I want it all to end
Find a reason to be again
Wash away the dye that streaks my life
Coloring things in a new way
Trying so hard to hide from it all
But it simply won't go away
Shadowing my day to day
Always in my thoughts
Peeking through when thrown about
What must I do..
To make it all disappear..
Drive a blade through my heart?
Maybe the darkness would feel good
To sink into that dark abyss
To forget everything..
I want what I can't have..
Why must the fates tease me so..
Just leave me alone..
I don't want to feel
It hurts to much to care..
Lock me in a block of ice
Just don't..
Let me feel

mood: contemplative

Silent and Alone
I cry a thousand tears
Haunted by the memory..
The memory of what might have been
Let the blades slash at my flesh
Feel the blood fall drop by drop
I'm already dead inside
Waters that wash o'er me
Dragging me beneath
Let them over take me
Drowning me in dispear
No longer who I once was
Can't you see that now?
I can't be what you want me to
I want so much..
Yet so little..
Maybe death is my repose
Anything to feel again
Forget me already
I'm nothing to worry for..
Just an empty shell..
A frozen memory

mood: contemplative

I wrote this a while back. It involves one of my role-playing characters and is probably a little angsty. Oh well..read or not. Its up to you.


( Kalikia's Song )

mood: depressed music: Selena - I'll Never Get Over You (Getting Over Me)

You say that you care
Voicing all the right words
Showing all the right motions
But its really just a game
Who can really care for a broken soul
A heart thats been shattered..
--one time too many
Why should I pick up the pieces again?
Left alone crying in the dark
waiting for someone to notice me
Make me believe I'm real
Who cares if I'm sad..
No one ever notices
I've fooled you all..
The perfect Actress

mood: cold music: Mandy Moore - Only Hope

You think that I will always be
Waiting in the shadowed wings
Faithful as a friend should be
Loyal without a fault
But even I can feel decieved
Forgotten like a broken toy
Left to drown in the rising waters
Watching..waiting..always there
Never wavering even for a moment
Wondering just why I should care.
Insignificant..unwanted..unneeded..
Do you even see me?
Are you aware that I'm even there-
Silent tears I never share
Instead I smile--
pretend the hurts not there
You'll wake up someday
See what you've done
Rushing before times run out
Sorry your a day too late..
I'm already gone

mood: lonely music: Evanescence - Going Under

I feel like a yo-yo
Pulled back and forth
Am I supposed to forget
Pretend that you were never there
Going on as if nothing were wrong
I feel like a shadow
Drifting in the wanning light
Am I supposed to ignore
Act like the pain isn't there
Hold back the tears threatening to fall
I feel like a memory
Locked away when not needed
Am I supposed to not exist
Only here when you want something
Pushing past the pain holding me in place
Hollow..broken..shattered..
Do I have to bleed
Must I be dying
For you to notice me..?

mood: lonely music: Christina Aguilera - Hurt

You thought that I would forget
Let the time pass by
Making no mention of where you went
But the heart never makes mistakes
Waiting in the waning light
Watching as each star dies
The Princess waiting for her Prince
Believing without any doubt
The heart lingers where the mind wanders
Twice in love
Only one can be true
Passing the surreal for the unreal
This faerie tale come true
And know that I would wait..
until the end of time
The Starlight Princess awaiting her Prince

mood: determined

Just a little fic that I wrote at 3am cause I couldn't sleep. Enjoy.

( Alania's Song )

mood: blah

Silently drifting
No one will notice
Smiles when prompted
No one will care
Laughter at the right moments
No one will know
Alone within a crowd
Lonely while with a group
No one to talk to
No one who cares
Might as well bury me
Lost in a sea of tears
Forgotten and alone
Can't even say what this does to me
I don't want to hear the guilt in your voice
Broken and betrayed
Why do I have to feel this way
Is life supposed to be this bittersweet?
All I want is my fair share
Before I walk away
Giving up everything I want
Just to see your face
Whispered I love yous
Instead I'm the one that has to walk away
Forgoing what I want
Someday..
Someday it will be my turn

mood: listless music: Trisha Yearwood + I Would Have Loved You Anyway

How many days can go by
Wondering just where we stand
How long can a heart remain alone
What purpose does the loneliness serve..?
Can two hearts love
seperated and distanced
Why must we go it on our own
Left to wonder where did we go wrong
Tears hidden in the darkness
Forgotten and lost in the abyss
Waiting for the day to break
Always looking for that door to open
Is it finally our time
No words can ever express
How long must we wait..
Forever..
If we must

mood: listless music: trisha yearwood + I Still Love You More

I am the darkness within the light,
a soul bound unto thee.
I am the hearts truest desire,
a soul of purity.
I am a dream sought for thought lost,
found in a tender embrace.
I am darkness and light,
yet neither at times.
I am an illusion seen in shadows,
only to be discovered in a dream.
I am a child's innocence,
locked in a woman's form.
I am incapable of love,
but give it freely to those close.
I am everything,
and I am nothing.
Emotionless at first glance,
vulnerable the next.
I am a spirit sent to entice thee,
into oblivion in mine arms..
I am a child,
striving to be a woman.
And I am a woman,
learning to live again.

mood: nostalgic music: utada hikaru + eternally

Darkness in the horizon
I wonder just whats to come
Pondering all the choices
Whats left for me in this place?
I remember the first time I wept
You weren't there to wipe the tears away
And how my heart ached
A thousand sunrises have I watched
Wondering if this would be the last
A million tears have I shed
Asking if this was right
Another sunset passes by
And I wonder how you could--
so easily forget
Blades slash at my flesh
I let the blood fall drop by drop
How can the soul remain
when the heart is already dead?
I don't think I could love again..
My whole world shattered in a moment
Yet even the endless abyss
brings no peace to this shattered soul
Why try to bury the memories
when my heart won't let me forget
Endless pleasures trapped in a void
a dreamless night haunted by nightmares
I want it all to end..
To forget every moment spent..
Taking back the moments regret
Too late..
the damage is done
I've died and you never noticed
A blade stuck in my heart
And you held it..
from the moment you looked away
Death my only repose
but even that brings no peace
How can the memories be buried..
When my heart won't let me forget?

mood: sad

Coming from a broken world
Pushed aside by destinies plans
I know what it means to be sacrificed
Watching from the outside
always the one looking in
I don't think I can do this again
Broken...beaten...left bleeding in the snow
Where do our dreams go?
Sins of the past washed away with blood
Forgotten as part of the past
My future seems so bleak
Arrogance...pride...its all I have left
Emotions buried in the darkest abyss
Coldness and sarcasim
My only defenses
And I'll turn around one last time
Vacantly gazing in the distance
Never mind the tears threatening to fall
Its too late..
I've already walked away

mood: lonely